people who can open cereal boxes perfectly are not to be trusted
welcome to tumblr
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
I nominate tony abbott to do The Ice Bucket Challenge with lava
Are you ever in class and you hear a random muffled scream from a nearby class and you’re like the fucks going on
this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around
One Night of ceasing to give a single fuck about anything, let alone a cough.
NyQuil’s got nothing on this shit.
Omg and it was a compound? What other ingredients did you have to mix it with?! THAT wasn’t enough?!
that One Night will be your LAST night fuck around wit this shit dawg
Lol “skillfully combined with a handful of other ingredients”
These niggas said “fuck a cough” and “fuck everything”.
NIGHT NIGHT MOTHERFUCKER
5th grade sex ed more like
So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND
HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
NICK P L E A S E
too little too late